Hello and welcome to this glorious Friday, March 6, 2020! This is a rare and precious day that will never come again.
I was recently reminded (again) that I am enough – exactly as I am.
At the end of a 1996 movie, there is a trendy and iconic scene where Jerry Maguire (played by Tom Cruise) unapologetically confirms his love (attachment as I see it 😉) by saying to his estranged wife, Dorothy Boyd (played by Renee Zellweger), “You complete me!” After a long, drawn out, Hollywood display of devotion by Cruise, Zellweger says in reply, “You had me at hello.” The teary-eyed couple embrace – I assume they live happily ever after. When I first watched this movie, and in all honesty sometimes still, needing to be completed by someone or something else seemed completely legitimate.
There is a paradox here: We are inseparable from and dependent upon everyone and everything around us for our survival and well-being. Nevertheless, we are absolutely responsible for our own peace, contentment and genuine happiness – enoughness.
Imagine that as you enter a grocery store to pick up something specific up for dinner, you feel calm and essentially at peace with your task. Your list is short, just three items. Maybe you walk by an endcap displaying sprinkle-covered cupcakes. Suddenly, you find yourself with the belief that you couldn’t possibly imagine an evening without this confectionery delight despite the fact that you didn’t even know it existed less than a minute ago.
Perhaps you’ve had the experience of driving down the road completely content. Maybe you’re singing along with a song that has been on repeat for the umpteenth time. In time, you come upon a traffic jam (remember - you are traffic) and suddenly you are in distress. Your peace and happiness goes as silent as the music that you can no longer hear over the screams of your discontent towards the intolerable situation. One minute all is well, the next minute, hell!
Let’s assume you’re in a relationship. One day you notice that your partner has been spending more and more time with their hobby. It’s OK for a bit, but after a few weeks you start to notice how other things are not getting done and maybe they are not spending as much time with you. You miss them and start to feel lonely and neglected. You start paying more attention to what they are not doing and are becoming increasingly more discontent. The thought crosses your mind that, “I was happier when they weren’t spending so much time on their hobby.”
In these situations, we’re essentially saying, “I can’t be happy without these cupcakes.” “I’ll be happy when the traffic starts moving.” “I’ll be happy when my partner acts the way I think they should.”
How much of the time do you think that your life would be so much more satisfying if your boss praised you for your work; if you won a 5K race; if you could just lose 5 pounds; if you made 10K more per year; if your neighbor would quit throwing trash in your yard. If we can’t be enough (genuinely happy, peaceful and content) without these conditions being satisfied, we will never be enough with them. How many times in your life have situations such as these been satisfied and yet very soon after, the feeling of dissatisfaction returns? There is always something to disturb us!
In the above examples, the conditions that trigger dissatisfaction are outside of us. Nevertheless, we must admit that the feeling of discontent is within us. That feeling is ours and we are responsible for it.
We are going to experience challenges and be tempted by pleasing morsels of deliciousness. People are going to do things that we believe they shouldn’t be doing, or, should be doing. We can’t create a life without difficulties nor temptations. We will always be faced with conditions that trigger dissatisfaction. And, dissatisfaction is insatiable – it can only be satisfied temporarily. We can’t ever get enough. We must be enough.
In these triggering moments, if we can be mindful that we are enough, exactly as we are, we have the choice of letting go of illusory dissatisfying thoughts. When we know in this moment that we are enough, we can recognize the thoughts for what they are, just thoughts. We don’t have to believe everything we think.
When we embody that we are enough, we don’t need conditions outside of us to change or to complete us. Enough is enough.
I love you and there isn’t anything that you can do about it!
In the here and meow,
Dan
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